“One of the Girls” and the Breakup of the Barrington Gang

“One of the Girls” and the Breakup of the Barrington Gang

From Front Left - Martha, Cyndi, Maria, Valerie, Louanne

I'm sitting behind Valerie and Louanne

My female roommates all were used to me, a man, being around and it wasn't long before many filters that existed previously melted away. Feminine type subjects and issues were freely discussed in my presence. I was becoming one of the girls although “my time of the month” never did sync up with theirs. Well, is more like one of the women since “girls” was not an acceptable term in our circle. I heard about all kinds of stuff including their relationships with men, good and bad. At first all this sort of inside information was interesting and even seemed useful. It helped me understand and experience how women felt and were affected by the kind of things my side did.

As a household we continued to get along and everything seemed to be going well. We didn't have many issues and everyone seemed to be pretty much doing their share. Food as well as chores were communally shared. However, I really was not doing much of the cooking. I don't really remember why that was. I did not have much experience cooking for a group. I had previously only had cooked for myself or one other person. Although I had been a vegetarian for over two years now I really did not have much of a repertoire when it came to vegetarian meal preparation. I liked to keep things as simple as possible. I don't particularly enjoy cooking plus I am the kind of person that can eat the same stuff over and over again. It might have been simply because I just wasn't that interested in cooking or maybe it had to do with the quality of my cooking. I think it likely had to do with Cyndi and I being a couple so I was counted with her. Whatever, I did do other assorted tasks around the house. For instance, I was the person who picked up our food from the co-op each week. That made sense since I owned the only vehicle. I was always one of the household contingent that worked at the co-op each week (membership came with one hour a week work commitment). Of course this is my memory, the others may remember it differently. I did learn to cook a few things. I still make a rice and veggies dish, a lentil soup/stew, a red cabbage salad, and a potato cauliflower soup. I learned how to make soup in general from Maria. Maria would often make soup at the end of the week using all the fading, almost rotting leftover vegetables. When I first saw her doing this I was leery about how the soup would turn out or even it was going to be safe to eat it. But it always tasted good and of course so far I am still alive.

We still did lots of stuff together, like hiking, snow shoeing, and cross country skiing. Bikes were our primary means of transportation. We only used the truck to pick up stuff that we were not able to carry on bikes or when we went out of town. Of course having a pick-up also meant many others called on me to help move their stuff. I lent my truck out regularly. I learned to keep the keys under the driver's seat so roommates and friends could have access without my involvement. When the weather was nice we went swimming in the local rivers. This was the 70's and Eugene had a very strong counter-culture presence. Everyone I knew swam in the nude, at least at the places we swam at. I was used to seeing all my friends unclothed, not just my roommates. I don't ever remember using a swimsuit in Oregon except when I would occasionally swim at the University pool. In the non-summer months we frequented a couple of nearby hot springs (Couger and Oakridge) Being from metropolitan New York, hot springs were kind of magical to me. I would sometimes visit them just by myself.

Throughout the year I continued to hear more and more talk about all the “bad” things my gender did to women. It wasn't long before I started hearing things that I had done at one time or another. Soon it seemed like almost everything I, or any man, had ever done in regards to a woman had something wrong with it. I did not think too much about it at the time. I had always gotten along with women very well and I'd always had women friends, but I was, in a sense, protected as I was with Cyndi.

Cyndi and my relationship was still going well when we moved to Villard Street. I had turned 26 and she turned 20. Some of Cyndi's interests were things that I had once looked into but was not currently interested in. As the school year moved forward Cyndi and I found ourselves doing more and more things separately. This doing various separate activities led to Cyndi and I kind of drifting apart. I began to feel the separation coming and yet seemed helpless to do anything about it.

Summer arrived and we all ended up moving out of the Villard house and kind of going our separate ways including Cyndi and myself. Maria moved in with her boyfriend Frank, who had become my best friend in Eugene and they shared a house with Cyndi. I suppose that was the point that Cyndi and I officially broke up. I don't remember where Valerie and Louanne moved to but they also moved out. Cyndi eventually moved to a small community called Pleasant Hill just outside of town. I think it was around this time when she began using the name Cyd. I rented a house on Alder Street near 30^th, a bit further away from campus. The Barrington Gang for me was like a family. It's a special period of my life and although we were all ready to move on there was a sadness to seeing it end. Not counting my marriages of course, it was the only really communal living arrangement I've been a part of. Of course I am an outlier of the Barrington Gang but I will always have strong feelings and memories of those two years and the Barrington Gang. Not unlike James from the Netflix program “The Derry Girls”, who after a year of going to a girl's school and being a part of a group of girls proudly exclaims, “I am A Derry Girl!”, I will always feel connected to the Barrington Gang.

Nothing really happened to trigger Cyndi and me breaking-up. We moved out to separate places but I don't remember any conflicts or bad or hurt feelings. It was a rather surreal breakup. I don't even remember really talking about breaking up. It just seemed to happen. Whenever I was subsequently asked about it I never had a good explanation. I have some idea's about it, but I'm still not really sure exactly why it happened. As a result of the break up with Cyndi, I was now again in a position to be engaging with women with potential romantic implications. I began to realize that all that stuff about men I had heard indeed had effected me. I now questioned myself. I was very confused on how I should approach and treat a woman I was interested in. I became rather helpless on initial encounters. I had no confidence and felt like just about anything I did or tried to do could be something unwanted or worse! The result was I was boring, awkward, indecisive, none of which helped to convince anyone that they should want to be with me. I would struggle with this until sometime after I moved to San Francisco a couple of years later and in some ways it felt like I never fully recovered.

Cyd not only changed her name after our relationship but her next serious relationship turned out to be with the other gender. Like I wasn't already confused enough. How bad of a boyfriend was I? I don't think that I had anything to do with her gaining a new appreciation for women. If she was listening to everything I had been hearing at the house, it'd make anyone wonder why they would want to hook up with a man. I already had a preference for women prior to hearing about all the crummy things men did, but it was good to know I chose wisely. It is a choice right?

The Barrington Gang have all stayed in close contact with each other through the years and, although they don't all live close to each other, they still manage to all meet up regularly. Cyd has always been special to me and remains one my most favorite people. I hold dear the memory of our relationship and the time we spent together.