Enter Kathy

Enter Kathy

It was 1979. Jimmy Carter was the President. '79 was the year of the Three Mile Island Nuclear Event in Pennsylvania, China's new 1 child per family law, and the Iranian radicals attack on the U.S. Embassy in Tehran taking 63 Americans as hostage. Music that year included Pink Floyd's “The Wall”, Michael Jackson's “Off The Wall”, the Clash's “London Calling”, and Donna Summer's “Bad Girls” albums, not to mention the hit by the Knack, “My Sharona”. It was also the year Sony came out with the Walkman and the sports network ESPN was launched.

I was living in San Francisco and working as a computer programmer. I was liking and doing well in my job at GBS. My social life outside of work involved hanging out with a few friends, like Mark and Larry. Like the Pisces I am, (two fish swimming in the opposite direction) I had a foot in two different worlds. I had a life in the working hi-tech professional world where people were making good money trying to advance their career, buying nice homes and cars, and going on trips to places like Hawaii. Outside of work, my friends were mostly working for lower paying non-profit organizations, renting apartments, shopping at co-ops, and going hiking and backpacking. They were still tied to, more or less, the 60's early 70's counter culture world. It was a good balance for me. My friends at work mostly knew a guy who dressed conservatively and wore a traditional tie with true east coast styled business suits and sports jackets. My other friends outside of work rarely saw me in anything other than jeans and tee-shirts. With my work friends I'd go out to eat at restaurants while with my non-work friends I'd get health food from the co-op or grab something like a falafel or a burrito to eat in the park. Even though I was able to fit in with the hi-tech professional world I saw myself more like the the 60's early 70's counter culture crowd.

Shortly after I moved to town I met Cindy (Yes, another Cindy). I met her through Louanne. Cindy had a daughter, Delilah, and they lived in San Bruno which is just south of San Francisco before you get to the airport. Cindy was a singer without a band. We both liked music and we spent time playing guitars and singing together and hanging out with Delilah in the park. However, Cindy soon re-located to LA when an opportunity came up to sing with a band down there so nothing came of that. Just after Cindy left, Roxie moved to the city but then she too left, moving back to Oregon. So it seemed that women were finding that leaving town a much better idea than getting involved with me.

After that I was finding it easier to find dates in my working world but we did not quite match up in lifestyle or world views. I went out a few times with a couple of women I met through work but nothing came of it. The non-work women I knew and found interesting were already in relationships. There were the occasional dates, but the dates were all casual in nature especially those from the work side. Sure the dates were fun but there was something hollow or missing about them. As someone once told me, I'm not really the casual sex guy type. I guess if I'm going to be intimate with someone I want it to be more than just physical. In fact I like intellectual intimacy as much as physical and sex without both is just not the same for me. Of course some of this was on me. I realize now that I had still not let go of Donna and so was not really letting myself go. In my mind I thought that I would never be in love like that again. Never find another person who I could connect with so deeply.

Louanne moved out of our place on 34^th Avenue. Mark and I selected Sheila to be our new roommate. Sheila eventually introduced me to her friend Joy. She thought we might be a good match. Joy was sort of half way between my work friends and my non-work friends. She had a daughter from a previous marriage so like me she had gone through the marriage and divorce thing and all the associated pain that comes with that. Joy was an attractive tall (5'11”) redheaded women with green eyes. Our relationship started slow. I had trouble reading Joy. I always did have trouble telling if a woman was physically interested in me. I can sit in a bar and see a couple engaged in conversation and can easily see if the woman is interested in the man she's talking with unless that man is me. Then I don't see it. I don't know why that is but it's true. Joy and I got along fine but for a few weeks I was unsure about her romantic interested in me. I was having trouble finding an opening to start anything. Finally one evening I decided to just kiss her goodnight in a more than casual way at the end of our evening together. Her reaction indicated surprise and I didn't know what that meant either. She called me a couple of days later and invited me over to her place. We were hanging out at her house when she suddenly threw a pillow at me I responded and that ended up with us making out on her couch. She told me I'd surprised her the other night because I had not tried anything previously. She thought I just wasn't interested in her in that way. I told her that I couldn't tell if she was interested or not. She said that never seemed to stop the other guys she dated. I've never been comfortable about forcing the issue with anyone, I always waited for a clear sign. OK, maybe it's I wait for a sign so clear even I can pick up on it. I suppose that explains a few things about some of my past dates....

Joy and I began seeing each other fairly regularly after that. Before long she was full steam ahead. I liked Joy and her daughter too. We got along well but I wasn't comfortable about moving so quickly. I wasn't sure how much I liked Joy but I knew I hadn't fallen deeply in love with her, at least not yet anyway. My feelings for her were certainly not like Donna, and not even like Cyd back in Eugene either. I found her quite attractive and I felt like the relationship was developing but it hadn't developed for me like it seemed to for her. I felt I needed to at least slow things down. I attempted to do just that but it didn't go so well. I realized I need to end it. Again, looking back I realize that certainly part of the problem was I was still Donna's guy in my mind. I was not willing to really let myself go but there was also something missing. Joy was not going to be the one.

After Joy I started to get to know Kathy who worked upstairs in the GBS corporate office. She was in marketing. Kathy was a California native but her parents were both from Korea. I seemed to be bumping into Kathy more frequently at the office, or maybe it was she seemed to bumping into me. Our casual conversations were beginning to get longer. Soon Kathy and I decided to start going out. Kathy was easy to be with and we seemed to work well together. Again it wasn't like Donna. Even though I was uncomfortable with Joy's push for a serious relationship, I was getting tired of just dating and casual relationships. There seemed to be no prospects over in my preferred counter-culture world and I enjoyed being with Kathy. Kathy and I quickly started seeing each other regularly. I had been slowly coming to the conclusion that if I wanted another long term relationship I was going to have to redefine what that looked like for me. Kathy didn't push things. Kathy was smart and she seemed to like what I liked and also seemed happy to hang out with my other non-work friends. Everything seemed to be going smoothly.

After seeing each other regularly for a couple of months, I was entertaining the thought that our relationship could develop into something more serious. That's when the opportunity came along that would entail me relocating to Sacramento. Kathy had heard about it from both Phil, the company VP, and Bob, the Regional Manager, since she was working upstairs in the corporate office. Our relationship was going pretty strong by this time. It was my most serious relationship since moving to San Francisco but suddenly I was destined to be moving to Sacramento.