On Thomas Pond – Maine Part II
It's July of 1987 and Kris and I are with my family in a couple of cabins on Thomas Pond in Maine. I think the most common things Maine is know for by the general public is Maine's rocky coastline and long cold winters, it's home to L L Bean, and most of all Lobster. Perhaps those who have visited might include Acadia National Park/Bar Harbor/Cadillac Mountain. Kris and I would do all that and more during our week visit.
That first morning I walked out on the dock in front of our cabin. Everything was quiet and still with a little mist rising up from the water. It was early enough so that there were no ripples in the water. I went back in and put on my bathing suit and then came back out. I jumped in for a swim. The water was fairly warm and clear, I could see all the way to the bottom as I swam out towards the middle of the Pond. That is really my favorite time to swim there, although we will spend much of the day out on the pond either swimming or floating on blowup rafts, or out in a rowboat. We also set up and played badminton as well as lawn darts.
Every evening we all gathered around a big table on the porch of one of the cabins for dinner where we all talked about the activities of the day and the plans for the next. My Mom would always have a question of the day for us all to answer in turn which would trigger further discussion. My father as well as my brother would just put up with the ritual but Kris and I all embraced it. In my family there were frequent discussions that could get heated and sometimes led to arguments but generally not hurt feelings. My family is rather mild mannered for New Yorkers. We were largely easy going but if pushed that New York feistiness would quickly come out. I am a couple of years apart with my sister. We grew up together and of course had that sibling rivalry thing going back then. I'm the oldest child. I had many arguments with my Dad over the years on simple things such as the color of my dress pants to politics like conscription, government policies, and the pros and cons of capitalism. My mom and I had our share of arguments too but we connected on a more spiritual level so we didn't really get too heated.
Kris fit right in with my family. Everyone liked her. My mother connected with her, and my father especially liked her. I have a picture of the two of them in Maine sitting next to each other on the porch in the morning, Dad with his coffee and Kris with her Tea. In many ways Kris and my father were two of a kind.
I had not been to Maine since I was a kid living with my parents. As an adult I had not gotten any further north on the East Coast than Vermont prior to this trip. My good friend Larry had recently been to Maine and had raved about the lobster at the New Harbor Co-op. So, Kris and I decided to take a day trip up to Bar Harbor and stop at the New Harbor Co-op for lunch. It was about an hour and a half to New Harbor. It's on a typical quaint Maine harbor. Inside they had just a counter and a big tank of lobsters. We each ordered a 1 ¼ lb lobster (considered the best size for flavor). They sold by the pound and the price back then was probably around 6 dollars a pound. The lobsters were outstanding, steamed in seawater for those who care. Sea vs regular water is a thing there. There is no seating inside so we sat out on their deck overlooking the harbor. There were a few guys sitting on a sail boat in the harbor below us. When they saw Kris with her long blond hair they started calling up to her inviting her to join them. For some reason they did not extend the invitation to me. Guess I should have worn my blonde wig. Kris, much to their disappointment, declined their offer. From there we went up to Bar Harbor and Cadillac Mountain which was another couple of hours drive north. However it's a pretty drive as you pass through all these typical Maine villages. After that we drove back to our cabins making it just in time for dinner and the question of the day.
Kris and I also went into Portland one day and also stopped by the L. L. Bean store in Freeport. L. L. Bean used to have a lifetime guarantee on their products. I have heard stories where college students up there used to search all the second-hand stores for beat up L. L. Bean coats and boots. They would buy them cheap and return them to L L Bean for new ones. Maybe that's a urban legend but at some point L. L. Bean started requiring a receipt and eventually they discontinued the lifetime guarantee on all of their products. Those crazy college students ruin everything!
The rest of the trip we just hung out with everyone else at the cabins swimming and floating on the pond. A couple of times we traveled out to a lobster co-op in Naples on Long Lake to pick up some cooked lobster for lunch. It was a summer only operation run by teachers and again it was cheap.
The only other item of note was on the day we all had to head home where I engaged in a big blowup argument with a family member over how to pack our car for the return trip to NY. Actually the packing the car wasn't the real issue. My over the top reaction really came from some suppressed feelings over something previous but that was too sensitive of a subject so instead we argued over something safe like packing the car. It's not unusual for my family to argue and it's generally about the actual issue. This was more the exception but it's been my experience that many arguments are like that. A big argument starts up on some relatively minor issue but the feelings are really about something different. We had this argument in front of everyone. My father was disgusted with us. But then we stopped, finished our packing. We then all gathered for a group photo by the lake after which we all gave each other hugs, jumped in our cars, and headed back home to Long Island.
That's another difference between Kris's and my family. You would not likely ever see an incident like that from Kris's family. They express complaints/objections/concerns every now and then but it never becomes what I would consider an argument. If someone objects to something everyone listens and then they generally move on usually changing the subject. My family, we react more strongly. If we disagree we, maybe especially me, express it with vigor. I was used to this and it took me little bit to realize that if I reacted strongly to something with Kris's family they would back off and try to accommodate or appease me instead of pushing back like my family back east would do.
Kris and I have been married for 36 years. I have never really seen her family engage in what I would consider an argument. Kris and I have had very few of what I would consider arguments, like maybe 3 and that is because Kris gets upset with me before we even get to what I think is the arguing part. Our differences tend to be just a couple of comments long with no raised voices followed by a period of silence. It used to frustrate me but now I have learned to be better when that happens, realizing that I need to start trying to make amends or at least cool down. It's one of the differences between that California laid-back culture she grew up with and the New York in-you-face intensity culture I grew up with. However I still fall into that New York thing every once in awhile even today. Just recently we were boarding our plane in New York for a flight back to Sacramento, a woman who was getting on the plane behind us accused me of putting four baggage items in the overhead bin. I had put just one, right next to Kris's. I reacted and rather strongly. Kris asked me to calm down and leave it alone but then this same woman put two luggage pieces in the same overhead bin. I couldn't completely contain myself and I said out loud something like “Oh sure, it's not OK for me but it's OK for you to put two items in the overhead bin.” Again Kris told me to quiet down. I objected and of course then there was that quiet period. I've been out west since the early 70's but inside there still lurks a New York attitude.
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