Wedding Plans
Kris and I decided to marry and we were officially engaged. It was time to inform our families. In my case that was just a phone call since all my family lived back on the east coast. Kris's family all lived in the Sacramento area and Kris wanted to drive up for a visit to tell them in person. I don't remember if we told Bill, Kris's dad or Linda, her mother first. I also don't remember anything significant about Bill's reaction, other than it was positive. I do remember Linda's and Max's (Kris's grandmother) reactions. It was in the “of course you guys are going to get married” category. It was like we were telling them something they already knew. Given our close relationship, I can see why they would think that. Kris was hoping for a bigger more excited reaction. I remember her being a little disappointed. From my perspective I was just glad they were happy about it. Even though they were happy, Linda and Max had a test for me to gain formal approval. Linda loves games so of course, it was a game/puzzle. The picture is above but the contraption had two rods attached to a piece of wood with a metal ball resting on top between the two rods. The ball would move by spreading out or pushing the rods apart or together. Below the rods was a board with dugout bowls with points varying from -10 to 100. The object was to get the ball to roll along the rods and drop in the furthest out bowl you could. My challenge was to score 100 if I wanted approval to marry Kris. To move the ball you had to open the rods further and further apart without letting the ball drop. It's not easy to explain so look at the picture. It's not all that easy to do but after a few attempts I kind of got the hang of it and managed to drop the ball in the furthest bowl (100). I was actually a little lucky as I had not yet fully mastered the trick. I remember Max being skeptical suggesting that I may have cheated. For the record, I didn't, although I confess that I would have had no qualms doing so.
Next was the planning. I'd been married a couple of times previously but never in a church so the first order of business was to find a church that fit with Kris, a true believer, and would also accept a non-believer like me. Her church in the Bay Area was none too keen on her marrying the likes of me. I was a little nervous about this as I was not going to pretend to be something I wasn't and of course Kris didn't want me to do that either. I also didn't want to have to do any sort of pre-marriage counseling or any sort of religion classes. I had been confirmed in a Lutheran Church when I was 14 so at least I had that going for me. Kris found Westminster Presbyterian at 13th and N. We got hooked up with one of their pastors, Jean Shaw-Connelly. She was perfect. We liked her right off the bat. She wanted to meet with us a couple of times to get to know us a little. There was no pressure and no interrogation about my faith, or lack there of. I really enjoyed meeting and talking with her. She was down to earth with a good sense of humor. We told her we wanted to write our own vows and she was open to us doing that.
We now had a church but what about the reception? After all, isn't that the best part? Kris and I were making good money and we were prepared to pay for everything ourselves so we felt free to find something we liked. I had paid for my first wedding but it was a low budget affair, in fact about as low as you could go. The expenses were only a few dollars for the license and a few more for the Justice of the Peace. It was followed by a very small celebration of about 5 or 6 people, counting us. No family was even invited. We held it at a small pizza place right next to the Valparaiso campus. It largely served the University college students. It closed at 6 during the week. It was a Thursday and hardly anyone was there when we arrived. We had pizza and sodas. Later the owner joined in and after chatting with us he comped us for the whole thing as a wedding present. My second wedding to Kathy was also more of a low budget affair but the reception, while modest, was decent sized. It was at a community center and Kathy's family made all the food. It was a larger celebration with friends and family. This was going to be my first more traditional type wedding and reception. After checking around at various places Kris and I decided on “A Shot of Class” on the K Street Mall. It was right across 11th Street from The Cathedral of The Blessed Sacrament and pretty much right across Capitol Park from Westminster Presbyterian. Instead of hiring a band I made a song list (I know, surprising) that they allowed me to play on their sound system. Bill and Linda actually picked up the tab so while the wedding was not exactly cheap it didn't cost me much.
We set the date for Jan 30th. With Kris's birthday in the middle of January and mine in February we didn't want it to be up against either of our birthdays. The 30th was a Saturday and right in between. We did a buffet style meal supplying beer and wine. There was a no host bar right next to the reception room for those who preferred other libations. All in all, not overly expensive. We could invite all our friends and family. We invited our work friends, our outside of work friends, everyone from our two softball teams, our families, and their friends. My family all lived back east on the east coast. My brother and my parents opted to come. That was a 50% increase from my last wedding. The rest of my family, no doubt, figured they'd just catch my next one. After all, here I was still just in my 30's and already on my 3rd time around. Each wedding celebration was getting better so perhaps they were thinking why not wait for the next one, it might be more worth the trip. What they didn't know was Kris had informed me that this was to be my final marriage, and so far she's right...
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