Dating – Sounds Like Fun
There
was a time when I met and developed romantic relations with women
rather easily. I was comfortable and self assured. Sadly that time
was past. After hearing all that “inside information” living
with the Barrington Gang all that confidence seemed to have left the
building or at least the vessel that is me. I struggled with meeting
and going out with women for the rest of the time I lived in Eugene.
So, keeping my ego under control I will reflect on some of my failed
romantic escapades in Eugene after splitting with Cyndi, aka Cyd.
When
Cyndi and I split up I moved into a house on 32nd and
Alder. I was now a free man. One of my first dates after Cyndi was
with a woman I met at a bar, in fact, she was the bartender. When we
talked at the bar it was free and easy. We decided to get together
and when we did I kind of froze up. I was not sure what I should do.
I was overly cautious being careful not say or do anything that
might offend and consequently I did almost nothing. It was an
uncomfortable and boring date. It was like I'd never gone out with
someone before. She politely made it clear that she was not
interested in any further outings. Can't say I blamed her. I also
quit going to that bar.
My
next attempt was with a woman I met at a food co-op. We decided to
meet at a dance at the W.O.W. Hall. She came by car. I came by bike
(I went everywhere on my bike). She brought a pint of liquor, I
brought a couple of joints. A few dances in she found someone to
share her pint with and I found a quiet place to smoke a joint
shortly after which I rode my bike home. A night to remember.
I
next began seeing another woman named Cindy. Cindy was from Virginia
and had some of that Southern belle style and attitude. Cindy acted
and carried herself as if she was very attractive and somehow it
seemed to work for her as guys seemed to think she was. She had a
certain entitlement about her and unlike the Barrington Gang, she
encouraged male assistance. The Barrington Gang, like my former wife
Donna, did not do this. They were more inclined to be offended if
you tried to do everything for them. They saw it as treating them as
helpless females, less capable than a man. Cindy and I did a few
things together but it didn't go far. Cindy informed me that she was
taking time off from any physical or romantic involvements. It was
fine initially given my current state of confusion. It took the
pressure off but, at least for me, a major draw of going out with
someone was the possibility of a romantic development. With that out
of the equation it wasn't long before my interest waned. Sure, Cindy
was interesting, but interesting enough to forgo romantic
possibilities? Isn't that just a friend? I had “just friends”
already, I was in the market for something more. Call me crazy but,
when I go out with someone I want the possibility of the full package
on the table. Cindy had a number of guys lined up to take my place,
but I'm not sure they'd read the fine print in Cindy's dating
contract.
I
met Peggy in one of my classes. We eyed each other a couple of times
and then one class she sat down next to me and we talked. I found
Peggy very attractive and she was not opposed to exploring a more
physical relationship. Peggy had recently had a bad experience and
wished to proceed slowly. That seemed perfect, probably just what I
needed. Peggy was more mainstream and unlike most of the women I
knew at that time she shaved her legs and wore makeup. Although she
was a little more traditional she was open minded. She was also
quite smart. Smart has always been a turn-on for me. I was afraid I
might be a little too counter culture for her but she never
indicated that to me. We went out a few times and had a few make-out
sessions. I liked Peggy but I struggled with her because she would
get upset with me for stuff that I didn't quite understand. I
managed to navigate through it until one day I showed up at her place
for a date at 7. When she opened the door she informed me, in a less
than loving way, she thought it was for 6 and that made me an hour
late. She was mad! She slammed the door on me and refused to open
it back up. So I left and later tried calling her but she kept
hanging up on me. I was stymied. I figured I must have done
something else bad as I couldn't see how just a mix up on time could
be it. With my confidence still MIA I was not brave enough to try
calling her after that. Looking back, I probably should have tracked
her down the next day and apologized, maybe even taken her some
flowers or something. Or, maybe it was her way of getting rid of me.
So, it didn't work out, it didn't last long, but at least I had made
a little progress.
Leslie
and I met through a mutual friend. We talked easily. I was not
timid with her as when we met she had just gotten out of a
relationship with another woman so I initially saw her as just a
friend. Leslie was a good athlete and she liked to play racket ball.
I had never played so she taught me how and we began to play
regularly. I found myself liking her but thought nothing would come
of it since she was into women, but then we began to do other things
together and I discovered she liked men too. We got to the romantic
part and Leslie backed off. She told me I wasn't the casual
relationship kind of guy so we should slow down and re-think things a
bit. She said she was not ready for a serious relationship and so
she didn't see us working out. Great, what did I do wrong now? I
was not opposed to the casual thing, heck, at this point I was just
trying to find anything in the romantic area. Another swing and
miss. I'd had another woman around this time tell me she wouldn't to
go out with me because I was the serious relationship type. I have a
“type”? It was the first I'd heard about it...
Then
there was Sammy. Sammy was a Native American who grew up in San
Francisco. I first saw Sammy at a softball game. She was on the
other team. She was a decent player but what made her stand out,
other than the way she looked, was she was playing in heels. Even
though she regularly wore high heels she was a counter-culture type
person and other than the shoes dressed in that vein. I was
immediately taken by Sammy but my friend and teammate Theresa
informed me that Sammy had a boyfriend. Bummer! A few months later
Theresa told me that Sammy and her boyfriend had broken up and asked
if I wanted her to introduce me to her. She thought Sammy would like
me. I said “YES!” We met, chatted, and decided to go out. On
our date I didn't act weird. We went dancing at the WOW Hall. We smoked some pot, then had some drinks, and eventually we went back to her place. I
evidently had a little too much of something as when we got to the
romantic part I, well, let's just say I was unable to fully
participate. I was embarrassed but Sammy was really nice about it
and we made plans for a second date. The next date came and Sammy
didn't showed up. I called her, no answer. I went over to her
house, no one there. I was disappointed and angry. I could
understand her not wanting to go out a second time but she could have
at least told me, not stand me up. Later that night I received a
phone call from a friend of Sammy's. She asked me if I knew Sammy.
I replied I did and that we were supposed to go out that evening but
Sammy never showed up. She then told that Sammy had been in a bad
car accident that afternoon and she was in the intensive care ward at
the hospital. Her Friend had tried to visit her but was told they
were not allowing anyone in to see her except family. Sammy had no
family in the area but she had been asking for someone when she had
arrived at the hospital. That person was me. Her friend asked if I
would go down to the hospital with her with the hope they would let
us see Sammy. I agreed and they let us in when they found out I was
the person Sammy had been asking for. Sammy was in bad shape. She
was all bandaged up and not conscious. Her friend asked me how long
I knew Sammy. I told her I'd really only known her for about a week
and had just the one date with her. Sammy had been trying to get
someone to tell me she would not be attending our date. I felt kind
of foolish. After that evening Sammy's good friends and family got
involved. Her face, as well as her body was pretty beat up and she
was not comfortable seeing anyone else until she healed up a bit
more. It wasn't long after that when I reached the point where I
needed to move elsewhere (San Francisco) to find a job. I ended up
leaving Eugene before Sammy was ready to receive visitors so we never
had that second date. At least our first date was almost normal.
Dating,
sure it sounds like fun, until you actually do it.
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