Heidi and her Mother and Me

Heidi and her Mother and Me

Heidi 1983

Don't ask me why, but I've always been considered trustworthy, at least by those who don't know me well. In my employment ventures I was almost always the one they put in charge when the boss was gone. I was the one who the big boss would pick out to do a special job when one needed doing. For example: I had a summer job at E.J. Korvette where they made me the acting manager of the Toy Department when the manager left. I was a teenager and they had other permanent employees working in the department. They are no longer in business but I like to think that wasn't because of me. Another example: I worked as a delivery guy for a lighting and lamp parts warehouse. When the owner who ran the warehouse went in for an operation I was asked to take over managing the warehouse while he was gone even though there were 3 full time warehouse workers. I do have to admit that I wasn't looked on quite so favorably by my bosses in the Air Force. I did frequently get selected for special tasks, but those did not seem to imply that they trusted me.

When I was growing up too, all my friend's moms liked and trusted me. When we kids wanted to go somewhere or do something out of the normal the other moms would want to know if I was going or doing it too before they gave their OK. With few exceptions, and I can't think of any, everyone's mom has always liked me, even my girlfriends' moms. Heck, I don't remember a single girlfriend's mother who did not like me although I only met my college girlfriend, Cyd's mother once. I don't really know what she thought of me. Maybe she was the exception. Even my first wife's (Donna) mother liked me even though she was not supposed to according to her husband who seemed to hate me. When he wasn't around she would talk with me. She was Italian and she taught me how to make her fabulous spaghetti sauce. It was a 24 hour process but she had an 8 hour version she shared with me which I used. Mine never turned out as good as hers and being on the lazy side I eventually cut it down to 4 hours. I was still making it when Kris and I got together 20 years later. The point is that people's mothers had always seemed to like and trust me even if I was dating their daughter. But now, I was about to meet my new girlfriend's mom and she had a rep for being tough on guys going out with her daughters, particularly her youngest, Heidi.

I had recently started up a new relationship with Heidi and had recently moved back to San Francisco. Heidi lived in the city as well as she was living in her mom, Jenny's house. I was beginning to spend much of my free time with her. Heidi's mom's house was in the outer sunset district of the city and by outer sunset I mean her mom's house was right across the street from the sand dunes/bluff of Ocean Beach. You can't get any more outer sunset than that. Heidi was the youngest of four kids. Her dad had passed away some years ago. Her brother lived in Southern California but her two sisters, Kathy and Debbie, both lived locally. I had heard stories about Jenny from both Larry and Heidi's sister Debbie. Of course, Heidi herself had talked about her too. I had yet to meet Jenny but with Heidi and I now seeing each other regularly the time had come for Jenny and I to meet. As I mentioned, in all my dealings with girlfriends' moms I had yet to have any issues with moms but all the information I got said Jenny was different. Jenny was anything but a push-over so I was going to have to bring my “A” game as my nearly spotless record with moms might be in jeopardy.

The “come over and meet my mom” date was arranged and I was invited over to the house in the afternoon. I have to admit after hearing abut Jenny, I was a little more nervous than I might have normally been. My resume as a prospective partner for someone's daughter was considerable, as it had a few, shall we say, “red flags”. I was a New Yorker, I wasn't Catholic (Heidi, in spite of her christian name, was Irish-Italian Catholic), and I was over 7 years older than Heidi and that's before mentioning those “red Flags”. My real highlights were my two divorces as they tended to overshadow all of my other previously stated selling points. In my defense, I wasn't currently married, I bathed regularly, and I had a good job.

So I prepared to present myself as a fine trustworthy young man and was ready to answer any questions when I arrived at Heidi's mom's place. After the initial pleasantries we all took a seat in the dining room. Jenny sat across from me giving me a thorough inspection. I was ready, thinking “go ahead Jenny ask away”. Jenny fired her first shot. It was a question I had not prepared for. Jenny's very first question was “What are doing about birth control and what will you do if my daughter gets pregnant?”. As you might imagine, silence gripped the room. OK, she flew right by the question as to weather we were sleeping together. I looked at Jenny and took a moment. I then assured her we were using birth control and the pregnancy thing we would figure out if and when it happened but in any case I would not abandon her daughter and we proceeded from there. Heidi was not too happy about her mom's line of questioning but, while initially uncomfortable, I found it rather refreshing that Jenny was so honest and direct. Probably every woman's parents would like that question answered by the guys dating their daughter. Jenny and I discussed this and other things for awhile with, thankfully, a little input from Heidi. We then got more into my other accomplishments. The conversation, while not exactly friendly, was certainly civil. To my surprise Jenny liked that I was a bit older than Heidi. She was OK with my two divorces, while not thrilled about the divorces themselves liked how I talked about them. She liked that I had experience, and that I was not just some directionless kid. I am not sure everyone would see things that way but I was happy that she did. Jenny went on to explain to me that Heidi was her youngest and she had had to overcome some obstacles and that caused Jenny to be a bit over protective. Of course these are my words, my interpretation, she said this quite differently. The conversation got easier, but remained in the evaluation mode. Eventually Jenny relaxed a bit and offered me a drink. It all ended with Jenny letting me know that she'd be watching me.

After it was over I headed over to Larry's place as he knew about my meeting with Jenny and was interested to hear how it went. When I got there Heidi's sister Debbie was there too. They asked me all about it. I said “It was interesting but all in all it went well.” They were surprised and started asking more detailed questions. I then told them about Jenny's opening question and we all had a good laugh. After we stopped laughing I admitted Jenny was tough on me but also said I could tell she liked me. They both questioned that and wanted to know how I came to that conclusion. I said “Two things: I got the feeling she did, even though she did not directly indicate as such. Secondly I found myself liking her and if she didn't like me, at least a little, I don't think I would have found myself feeling that way towards her.” I'm not sure they believed me.

Jenny and I did end up getting along very well going forward. She would later invite me, with Heidi of course, to her property up in Lake County when she was up there vacationing. Jenny continued to be direct about things and, being a bit like that myself, we enjoyed each other's company, I think. I grew to really like and appreciate Jenny. She became my favorite girlfriend's mother.