Love, a Many-Splendored Thing

 Love, a Many-Splendored Thing

Kris - 1986

Driving back to my apartment in San Francisco from the softball game all I could think about was the dinner with Kris. Kris is one month and one week shy of being 12 years younger than me. At the time she was just 25 where as I was 37. Not only that, I'd been around the block a few times. I mean I'd already been married twice not to mention that I also had a few other live-in girlfriends. Although quite mature in most ways, Kris was still young, a church goer, and clearly had high values. Still there was no doubt that a strong connection happened between us. The question in my mind was, given those differences, would she seriously be considering me as more than just a friend?

Once home I was still a little keyed-up so I put on the TV. At this time I generally did not watch much TV and I hardly ever put it on in the evening. But I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep for awhile so I turned it on and found a movie. The movie was Splash with a young Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah. When a scene with Daryl came on all I could see was Kris. This was not helping so I shut it off and went to bed and managed to fall asleep. Then next morning on the way to work I decided I needed to somehow get a read on where Kris was at. I mean I could just ask her, but with our age difference as well as being co-workers I could see where that could be awkward, especially at the office. I needed to figure it out for myself. I got to work and came up with an excuse to go over to her office and ask about something, hoping to see whether she had been similarly affected from the previous night. I couldn't tell. But I am not one to give up easily so I gave it a few more tries, nothing. - Here is the view from Kris's side: “Dave's office visits that day persisted throughout the morning. I couldn't figure out what was going on because Dave would come into my office, sit down in the chair next to my desk, look at me with a little twinkle in his eye, and not really have much to say. Then he'd leave, and a little while later come back and do the same thing. This happened multiple times! What was going on??”

As it happened, it was Wednesday which meant wallyball day. At lunch the wallyball crowd, which included Kris and myself, headed over to the local racquetball facility. We played a game or two and then took a short water break. I was bending over getting a drink from the water fountain in the hallway by the courts. When I finished and looked up there was Kris right there waiting to get a drink. As I raised up our eyes met and boom! There it was. I saw it wasn't just me.

I decided to call Kris that evening when I got home. I'm not great on the phone and would rather have done this in person but again it didn't feel like a conversation I should do at work, and of course I already knew lunch was not not going to be an option anytime soon.  I was motivated to act quickly before Kris could come to her senses. That evening when I got home I called but there was no answer. I waited awhile and tried again but now her line was busy. I waited a bit more, called a third time and it was busy again. I was thinking: “Not only does this girl have a full schedule but even when she's home she's busy.” I waited and tried again and finally I got through.  - From Kris:  “Here's what was going on with me that night: I had decided to take some kind of business class to "further my career", seeing as how my dating life wasn't demanding much of my time. So that night, Wednesday, I was in class, trying to pay attention, but all I could think about was Dave. When I got home I was wrestling with the idea of calling him. I mean, it was the 80s - women could be the initiators in a relationship, right? I debated with myself a little longer, and then decided to call my mom. I don't remember everything we said (she might), but the gist was that I really was thinking Dave was The One. Of all the guys I had known, I felt really strong about him and didn't know what to do. Should I call him? Mom couldn't tell me what to do, but listened patiently and was encouraging. I hung up the phone with her deciding I would call Dave. I didn't want to let this slip through my fingers. Just as I was about to pick up the phone, it rang. In all my life, that phone ringing at that exact time and Dave being on the other end of the line is the most magical I have experienced.”

After the “Hello-ing”, I popped the big question. “Did something happen between us last night?” We then talked about the previous night. We both wanted to get together and attempted to make plans to do so. The next night Kris was going out with friends, the night after it was something else. The weekend was also no good. Turned out she did not have any free evenings until some time later in the following week. I initially and reluctantly agreed to her first available time slot. After we hung up I thought about it some more and I decided that that was not going to work for me. It was too far away. So, I called her back and said that the date we discussed was not acceptable because it was too far in the future. We needed to somehow meet before that and I indicated that I was available any night. Well, Friday night was a party at Jane's place that Kris had committed to attend. Jane was another Consilium co-worker and there were many from Consilium who were going. I don't remember if I had planned to attend. I tend to wait on those types of decisions. My famous reply to those things is “That will be a GTD” (Game Time Decision). Anyway we decided to meet up for dinner before attending Jane's party which we would then attend together.

That was Wednesday evening. Thursday I had plans to attend an exhibition hockey game at the Cow Palace with my brother. When I talked to Kris at work on Thursday I found out she was going to the same game with Terry from work and his roommate Carl. Well OK, I was now all in so when I got home I took a poem I had and reworked it to fit the occasion/Kris. I brought it to the game hoping to run into her, which I did. I attempted to discretely pass it to her. I don't know how discretely it ended up being but I was at least successful in getting it to her. - Kris: “I still have the poem. In fact, I have printed copies of our emails (inter-office electronic communications, back in the 80's) from the following weeks and months. They still give me goosebumps reading them today.”

The next night was Friday, the big night. I drove down to Kris's place in Mountain View. I rang her doorbell. Kris opened the door and as I stepped in Kris closed the door, turned back towards me, put her arms around me, and gave me a serious kiss. Additional kissing ensued. We eventually came up for air and headed out to the Fish Market for dinner. The Fish Market did not take reservations and is, or at least was then, a very popular place but we got seated fairly quickly.

After we were seated I decide I better come clean with all my history as we were already a bit down the road.  I was thinking my checkered relationship past could give a young woman like Kris pause. It would need to come out anyway so better to lay it all out now to avoid any surprises later. So I proceeded to tell Kris my story. My first wife Donna, the engagement with Dottie, my college live together girlfriend Cyd, Kathy my second wife. At this juncture I could see that Kris was pretty tired of me talking and I needed to stop. I figured she probably needed a chance to process it all. Well, it turned out that I was pretty much boring her with a bunch of information that was not all that interesting to her. She was not interested in my past, just the present. From her perspective I was wasting a lot of time. Luckily I didn't drive her away. I was relieved that my past wasn't a problem and now also glad that I hadn't bored her so badly that she got up and walked out. I was a little concerned that she might think that I was only all about me. I didn't mean to monopolize the conversation. I just felt compelled to come clean. In my defense I just wanted her to have a chance to back out early if my history was going to be a problem. 

We survived dinner and we went together to Jane's party which was sort of a company announcement that we were now seeing each other. Kris had plans for Saturday but she came up to my apartment in San Francisco on Sunday. We spend the entire afternoon together taking a motorcycle ride up through the Marin Headlands. It was clear that we were already a couple and from this point forward we would be seeing each other regularly. It didn't start with that kiss at the door, or the Sunday motorcycle ride, it was the dinner before the softball game. We might not have fully realized it at the time but that was when we both, at the same time, found true love. - Kris: “We still celebrate that day, September 30, 1986, as our true anniversary.”

In those early days of being in love every activity is fun as long as you are doing it together. Going to the food store, the post office, heck, even the DMV, it doesn't matter. All you are feeling is that joy of being together. When you're not, you are always thinking about the other person anticipating when you will be with them again. It's a wondrous, many-splendored time.