My Mom 2

My Mom 2

My Mom passed away on October 9th.  She, like the rest of my family was living on the East Coast.  At the time I was suffering from a pretty severe case of Sciatica and was pretty much bed ridden but I was on the mend.  Since I live in California, it was going to be a long plane ride back to New York where her celebration of life was going to be held.  My sister and brother, to accommodate me, pushed her celebration of life off until the beginning of November.  Thanks to her desire to be cremated, with the caveat that we make sure she was in fact all the way dead, made the delay possible.  I was so focused on getting better that I don't think her passing fully hit me until I returned to California.  The thought that this world no longer includes my mother, a person who so completely loved and supported me my entire life, is a sobering one.  My Dad passed away 15 years ago and I no longer had any cover as I am patriarch of the family, a strange position to hold indeed.  I was very close to my Mom and I will always have her with me.  Below is what I said at her Celebration.

Much of this I also wrote in a blog post about my Mom that I published back on 10/19/21

Celebration of Life Talk

Everyone is unique in their own way, but there are those people who we all run into during our life that are just a little more unique than the rest of us.  Their uniqueness jumps out at you and reminds you just how fun, interesting, engaging, and refreshing a human being can be.   My Mom, at least to me, was one of those people.  She was someone who treated stuffed animals as if they had feelings, brought cookies to day workers (those guys that stand in a parking lot hoping to get picked up for some work), finds a job for the homeless guy panhandling out on the roadway, actually hugged trees, could see auras, preferred a dress from the dollar store to one from Saks, laughed easily all while somehow maintaining a childlike faith.  She would randomly hug strangers she encountered when she got the feeling they needed it, sometimes telling them that God loves them.  They never objected usually thanking her with some replying “Thank you.  You don't know how much I needed that.”  My Mom was a very positive person.  She also had a great imagination.  She tried to like almost everyone, hated hearing people run down others, championed the weak, and treated both the king and the bum with equal care, interest, and compassion.  My Mom could come across as a bit kookie, and maybe a bit simple.  Well sure she could be the former but certainly not the latter. 

Mom was born in Patchogue on Long Island on March 14, 1925.  She was put up for adoption and George and Violet Warrin, from Brooklyn, adopted her shortly after.  They bought a house in Valley Stream where Mom grew up.  Her childhood years 4 – 15 coincided with The Great Depression and of course  WWII started in 1939 with America entering at the end of '41, lasting until September of 1945 which covered Mom's ages 16 to 20.  She and my Dad were members of what's called “The Greatest Generation”.  Shortly after the war ended she and my Dad drove out to Montauk point where they had a long talk on the beach and decided to get married.  The beach was a common theme in our family.  It was our year-round go-to place for reflecting, healing, or just to get away and reconnect.  

Mom grew up with a heavy dose of criticism, which was the norm in her mother's family.  As a result she had low self-esteem as a young adult.  She was unsure of herself, uncomfortable with people she didn't know, and was even intimidated by the phone.  During her life she overcame all this and went on to become a leader.  She was President of the PTA for my high school, a school with over 3000 kids.  She helped form and lead an exercise group for over 30 years.  She took on leadership roles in her church as well as other areas of her life.  She evolved into someone who met and made friends easily.  Although she didn't smoke, she could have been a model for the Pat Martin Virginia Slims “You've come a long way baby” ad campaign from the late 60's.

Mom was always open to hearing new ideas and would entertain ideas outside the box.  She enjoyed joking around and I think deep down inside she would have liked to have been in the theater.  She liked dark humor.  She had a book of Addams Family cartoons from the New Yorker.  When she discovered that I liked that too she used to sit with me and look through it.  I was quite young, under 10.  It's one of my favorite early memories with my Mom and I still remember some of the cartoons.  She had a great sense of humor and laughing with my Mom, which we did all the time, is another of my favorite memories.

My mom and I were kindred spirits.  I have always had a sort of psychic connection with my Mom.   I lived at least 1000 miles away from her most of my adult life.  More than a few times when I was not doing well my phone would ring and it would be my Mom.  The first thing she would say was “What's wrong”. 

As a family we are reserved and I was quite shy when I was young. When I got old enough to go to school, my Mom would always send me off and stand at the  doorway.  As I got out to  the street she would shout out for all the world to hear - “Don't hit the teacher”.  The teacher probably thought she should have told me to remember to talk to the teacher.  But that was my Mom's way of saying I was just as good as all the other kids, including the wild and unruly. 

My Mom, like many of us, used to struggle remembering names when she was young.  She told me a story of her going on an interview for a job.  When the guy interviewing her introduced himself, Mom, in attempt to remember the name, associated it with a bird.  Later when it came time to use his name she remembered it was the name of a bird but the only bird that popped into her head was the ever popular Chickadee so she addressed him as Mr. Chickadee.  Let's just say that Mr. Sparrow was not impressed. 

Mom was an encourager and almost always rooted for the underdog.  She wanted everyone to feel included.  In later years Balderdash, AKA the Dictionary game, was a family favorite.  It's a game where you score points for guessing the correct definition of a word after hearing all the definitions everyone has made up along with the correct one.  You also score points when someone guesses your fake definition.  My family tends to play it a little differently in that most of us try to come up with the funniest definition we can think of.  We don't pay too much attention to the score.  Mom's goal was to guess the definition of the person who was in last place to encourage them.  She'd be disappointed when she guessed either the correct definition or one of the leader's definitions.    

Mom was on the back side of 98 when she passed away.  She lived the first 95 years of her life on Long Island.  When COVID-19 hit my sister, Babs, and her husband, Ron, brought my Mom down to North Carolina with them.  She eventually moved into a senior facility close by.  She was still in pretty good health, particularly for a person of her age, but dementia was setting in.  She had her own room and all the meals were provided.  She told me she was happy there.  She always mentioned how good the food was followed by saying she couldn't taste anything as she had mostly lost her sense of taste.  She said this so sincerely, but I couldn't help but wonder “Was this just her telling me a joke?”  

My Mom:  She was quirky, fun loving, encouraging, and laughed easily.  I can't imagine having a better person for a Mom.  There's a lot of her in me and I tend to think that it is my best part. 

Dancing with Mom at my nephew's, my mother's grandson's, wedding