Dating – Sounds Like Fun

Dating – Sounds Like Fun

The W.O.W Hall @ 8th and Lincoln in Eugene

There was a time when I met and developed romantic relations with women rather easily. I was comfortable and self assured. Sadly that time was past. After hearing all that “inside information” living with the Barrington Gang all that confidence seemed to have left the building or at least the vessel that is me. I struggled with meeting and going out with women for the rest of the time I lived in Eugene. So, keeping my ego under control I will reflect on some of my failed romantic escapades in Eugene after splitting with Cyndi, aka Cyd.

When Cyndi and I split up I moved into a house on 32^nd and Alder. I was now a free man. One of my first dates after Cyndi was with a woman I met at a bar, in fact, she was the bartender. When we talked at the bar it was free and easy. We decided to get together and when we did I kind of froze up. I was not sure what I should do. I was overly cautious being careful not say or do anything that might offend and consequently I did almost nothing. It was an uncomfortable and boring date. It was like I'd never gone out with someone before. She politely made it clear that she was not interested in any further outings. Can't say I blamed her. I also quit going to that bar.

My next attempt was with a woman I met at a food co-op. We decided to meet at a dance at the W.O.W. Hall. She came by car. I came by bike (I went everywhere on my bike). She brought a pint of liquor, I brought a couple of joints. A few dances in she found someone to share her pint with and I found a quiet place to smoke a joint shortly after which I rode my bike home. A night to remember.

I next began seeing another woman named Cindy. Cindy was from Virginia and had some of that Southern belle style and attitude. Cindy acted and carried herself as if she was very attractive and somehow it seemed to work for her as guys seemed to think she was. She had a certain entitlement about her and unlike the Barrington Gang, she encouraged male assistance. The Barrington Gang, like my former wife Donna, did not do this. They were more inclined to be offended if you tried to do everything for them. They saw it as treating them as helpless females, less capable than a man. Cindy and I did a few things together but it didn't go far. Cindy informed me that she was taking time off from any physical or romantic involvements. It was fine initially given my current state of confusion. It took the pressure off but, at least for me, a major draw of going out with someone was the possibility of a romantic development. With that out of the equation it wasn't long before my interest waned. Sure, Cindy was interesting, but interesting enough to forgo romantic possibilities? Isn't that just a friend? I had “just friends” already, I was in the market for something more. Call me crazy but, when I go out with someone I want the possibility of the full package on the table. Cindy had a number of guys lined up to take my place, but I'm not sure they'd read the fine print in Cindy's dating contract.

I met Peggy in one of my classes. We eyed each other a couple of times and then one class she sat down next to me and we talked. I found Peggy very attractive and she was not opposed to exploring a more physical relationship. Peggy had recently had a bad experience and wished to proceed slowly. That seemed perfect, probably just what I needed. Peggy was more mainstream and unlike most of the women I knew at that time she shaved her legs and wore makeup. Although she was a little more traditional she was open minded. She was also quite smart. Smart has always been a turn-on for me. I was afraid I might be a little too counter culture for her but she never indicated that to me. We went out a few times and had a few make-out sessions. I liked Peggy but I struggled with her because she would get upset with me for stuff that I didn't quite understand. I managed to navigate through it until one day I showed up at her place for a date at 7. When she opened the door she informed me, in a less than loving way, she thought it was for 6 and that made me an hour late. She was mad! She slammed the door on me and refused to open it back up. So I left and later tried calling her but she kept hanging up on me. I was stymied. I figured I must have done something else bad as I couldn't see how just a mix up on time could be it. With my confidence still MIA I was not brave enough to try calling her after that. Looking back, I probably should have tracked her down the next day and apologized, maybe even taken her some flowers or something. Or, maybe it was her way of getting rid of me. So, it didn't work out, it didn't last long, but at least I had made a little progress.

Leslie and I met through a mutual friend. We talked easily. I was not timid with her as when we met she had just gotten out of a relationship with another woman so I initially saw her as just a friend. Leslie was a good athlete and she liked to play racket ball. I had never played so she taught me how and we began to play regularly. I found myself liking her but thought nothing would come of it since she was into women, but then we began to do other things together and I discovered she liked men too. We got to the romantic part and Leslie backed off. She told me I wasn't the casual relationship kind of guy so we should slow down and re-think things a bit. She said she was not ready for a serious relationship and so she didn't see us working out. Great, what did I do wrong now? I was not opposed to the casual thing, heck, at this point I was just trying to find anything in the romantic area. Another swing and miss. I'd had another woman around this time tell me she wouldn't to go out with me because I was the serious relationship type. I have a “type”? It was the first I'd heard about it...

Then there was Sammy. Sammy was a Native American who grew up in San Francisco. I first saw Sammy at a softball game. She was on the other team. She was a decent player but what made her stand out, other than the way she looked, was she was playing in heels. Even though she regularly wore high heels she was a counter-culture type person and other than the shoes dressed in that vein. I was immediately taken by Sammy but my friend and teammate Theresa informed me that Sammy had a boyfriend. Bummer! A few months later Theresa told me that Sammy and her boyfriend had broken up and asked if I wanted her to introduce me to her. She thought Sammy would like me. I said “YES!” We met, chatted, and decided to go out. On our date I didn't act weird. We went dancing at the WOW Hall.  We smoked some pot, then had some drinks, and eventually we went back to her place. I evidently had a little too much of something as when we got to the romantic part I, well, let's just say I was unable to fully participate. I was embarrassed but Sammy was really nice about it and we made plans for a second date. The next date came and Sammy didn't showed up. I called her, no answer. I went over to her house, no one there. I was disappointed and angry. I could understand her not wanting to go out a second time but she could have at least told me, not stand me up. Later that night I received a phone call from a friend of Sammy's. She asked me if I knew Sammy. I replied I did and that we were supposed to go out that evening but Sammy never showed up. She then told that Sammy had been in a bad car accident that afternoon and she was in the intensive care ward at the hospital. Her Friend had tried to visit her but was told they were not allowing anyone in to see her except family. Sammy had no family in the area but she had been asking for someone when she had arrived at the hospital. That person was me. Her friend asked if I would go down to the hospital with her with the hope they would let us see Sammy. I agreed and they let us in when they found out I was the person Sammy had been asking for. Sammy was in bad shape. She was all bandaged up and not conscious. Her friend asked me how long I knew Sammy. I told her I'd really only known her for about a week and had just the one date with her. Sammy had been trying to get someone to tell me she would not be attending our date. I felt kind of foolish. After that evening Sammy's good friends and family got involved. Her face, as well as her body was pretty beat up and she was not comfortable seeing anyone else until she healed up a bit more. It wasn't long after that when I reached the point where I needed to move elsewhere (San Francisco) to find a job. I ended up leaving Eugene before Sammy was ready to receive visitors so we never had that second date. At least our first date was almost normal.

Dating, sure it sounds like fun, until you actually do it.