Kids, You Can't Always Get What You Want:

Kids, You Can't Always Get What You Want:

When Kris and I married, Kris was 27 and I was 38 although I was about to turn 39 in a few weeks. Kris's birthday is a little less than 3 weeks after Christmas and our wedding anniversary is less than 3 weeks after her birthday and then my birthday is 3 weeks after our anniversary. Our major celebrations, starting with Christmas all happen in less than 2 months. While it's happening it seems like they are on top of each other but then I get the rest of the year off where I don't have to think about it. As an adult I have never been big on presents or for that matter holidays. Kris has learned to curb or at least lower any expectations these things might foster for her in regards to me. We've been together over 38 years, so for better or worse Kris has managed to cope with the way I am.

We bought a house and moved to Rocklin after we married, thinking we probably had a good chance of getting an IT job in the area. We didn't. Our jobs ended up being not nearby and also in kind of opposite directions with Kris's in Sacramento and mine in Placerville. The schools in Rocklin were supposedly good and the community had lots of kids so it seemed like a good spot for raising children so we stayed there in spite of our job locations and that entertainment activities tended to be mostly down in Sacramento.

Kris is a planner. After we married we discussed starting a family. We were both interested in heading down that road. Kris wanted to wait a couple of years. I reminded her that I was no spring chicken and that maybe we shouldn't wait too long. A couple of years went by. I turned 41 and Kris is 29. Kris, the planner, decided it's time to get the ball rolling. She decided that she didn't really want to be, shall we say pleasantly pregnant during the summer heat so we started working on achieving the desired result near the end of spring and into the beginning of summer. Kris did all the calculations and I would then be summoned to engage in the required activity at the appropriate time. We continued down this path for six months and nothing happened. Yikes, we were now off schedule. A few more months went by and we decided to take action. We scheduled a visit with a fertility professional which involved both of us doing a few tests. They did not show much. On my side one test showed my sperm count was on the low side but then on the second time it wasn't. My work at this point at El Dorado had been quite stressful, and maybe that was having an effect, but other than that things were good. We then did some additional tests which yielded similar results. Of course, we continued doing our own “home testing” but the months kept flying by with nothing happening.

A couple more years went by and I started thinking about our ages, mostly mine. Kris was now 33 and me 45.  It seemed clear that it was getting to be time to make some decisions. I thought to myself “Do I want to be raising a teenager in my 60's?” We'd done testing, and maybe there was more to do, but my feeling was we had done enough and with all the “home testing” we'd been doing it seemed to me that the results were pretty clear. I didn't want people to think I was insane. (Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.) Neither of us were interested in forcing the issue (such as IV fertilization) at this point. We did talk about possibly adopting. I would have been open to that earlier but I was ready to just move on and accept that children were not meant to be in our future. I had always assumed I would have kids at some point but I was never one who had a overriding desire to have them. I like kids but I never felt my life would be incomplete if they didn't happen. Both my siblings had kids, 5 boys between them. Through them I see meaningful experiences that I will never have. Listening to them and other friends it comes across as if kids are a constant worry but grand-kids are a constant delight. It's almost like grand-kids are the payoff for raising your kids. I realize that is not really true but it can sound that way. My sister once told me I was lucky because my life was easy with no kids but in my experience easy doesn't always translate to better. There are times when I regret we didn't have any but I really don't think about it too much. On the other hand not having children allowed both Kris and I to retire earlier than we would have otherwise. We let it go and stopped worrying about it. I was glad to get off the sex on demand train and I'm sure Kris was too.

Kris and I developed a routine where on Fridays after work we would meet downtown at a recently opened brewpub, the Rubicon, at 20^th and Capitol for a beer. After, we would head over to Plaza Park, now called Cesar Chavez Plaza, where there was live music every Friday of the summer. After listening and usually dancing to the music we would either go to Pescados, at 28^th and P, for fish tacos, or to Greta's, a sort of health food cafe in mid-town. I was largely a vegetarian although I ate fish and also occasionally chicken or turkey back then. I used to tell my friends that every Friday Kris and I go out for drinks (a beer at Rubicon), dancing (in the park), and dinner all for about 10 bucks. Heck, that's the cost of about 2 cups of coffee today.... 

We found a new theater starting up in town. The B Street Theater. We went to their 1^st or maybe it was their 2^nd show. It was well done and we enjoyed it. We both like live theater. We told our friends who lived near by, David and Jane, about it. David was the pastor of the church we attended. We went to their next show together. I especially remember that show. It was “Frankie and Johnny in Clair de Lune”.  B Street was a theater in a square then and we had seats in the first row on the east side of the stage. There was a bed on the set right in front of us. The play opens with a couple in bed and after a few lines they both get out. They are now standing right in front of us completely nude. Perhaps we should have done a little research on the play before inviting the Pastor and his wife to the show....  Anyway, we all enjoyed the play. It was well done and the actors was very good. Shortly after that we both subscribed and regularly attended together, usually meeting downtown for dinner before the show. 

Kris and I found ourselves frequently going into Sacramento whether it was to go to the Rubicon, out to dinner, to hear music, or go to the theater.  Now that we accepted that children were not going to be in our future, we decided to get the heck out of Rocklin and Placer County. Thus we began a search for a house down in Sacramento.